Suddenly Life Changes

And just like that, everything has changed. Eldest daughter is engaged.

It wasn’t a whirlwind romance nor a snap decision to marry. This lovely couple has been together for some years. Oh, how I have wanted them to get married. I really like her fellow, her love of her life. Some of the hardest life work I’ve ever done is to not stick my nose into it. At least I tried, and I hope I was successful.

On numerous occasions, I had a sense that something might have been in the works in the form of a proposal. But those times moved merrily on, and I continued to hope for “someday.” Then, the two of them went out of town for a weekend, and I was sure it was going to happen. Or I was sure it wasn’t going to happen. Speaking of whirlwind, I was all over the place. And I’m only the mother.

But on their way home, she sent a text, letting her parents know that it hadn’t happened, that they had talked, that they were in a good place, but she couldn’t say more because she didn’t want to jinx it. We nodded our heads, satisfied that she was feeling okay about things.

But she lied.

Yes, our darling, very honest daughter flat-out lied. My brother proclaimed that it was probably the first time she had told a lie in her entire life.

They were indeed engaged but decided to wait two long weeks (for them) to tell both sets of parents in person, together. So, they crafted that text together, carefully selecting the words that would keep her parents from sniffing out the truth.

And just like that, everything changed. Here was our darling daughter, standing with this man she will marry, showing off the most beautiful ring on her left hand. The ring sparkled in the early-evening sun, almost as much as the smile on her face.

“We’re engaged,” they said simply.

We erupted as loving parents will do. Shouts of joy, laughter, tears. Six smiles of epic proportions as we begged for the details. The story emerged over amazing food and, of course, wine. We laughed, shook our heads and teared up some more. Finally, the four dazed parents offered a toast to the beaming couple. I had to briefly pass on my turn because a sob was stuck in my throat. But we toasted this lovely couple and then played a favorite board game, called “Survive,” ironically enough.

And just like that, everything changed. We got home that night, fed the pets, and settled into the TV room to attempt to debrief the evening. My husband described it as a seismic shift. While we had hoped for this moment for a very long time, it crept in and surprised us anyway. We shook our heads and watched a little of the Tigers baseball game.

All of a sudden, it was the next day, and I received a text from my daughter, showing her ring to her cat. How incredibly bizarre. I called her and we talked a bit about who they would share the news with next. I hung up, imagining the moniker “MOB, mother of the bride.” By end of day, family members were calling us, having received a call from the engaged couple. They, too, were shouting, laughing and crying. And we shouted, laughed and cried some more.

I sure have learned a lot about life in these past 48 hours, not to mention the span of 32 years since eldest daughter was born. My recent learnings focus on the concept of surrender, as described in a book by Michael Singer. Thank you David Gerkin: https://medium.com/change-your-mind/mickey-singer-has-surrendered-for-the-past-50-years-join-me-in-trying-it-for-a-day-11abb9406d5f. It’s about accepting what life brings one’s way. I confess to wanting to control the outcome of things, to sweating the small stuff, as one previous boss suggested I did. He was right. This experiment in surrendering is the opportunity to simply let go and let life unfold. Let me say right now that this is not easy work — even on tiny things, such as one’s husband wanting to watch a war movie when I would clearly prefer a Hallmark movie. Imagine applying it to a major life event.

But I surrendered. And the greatest learning of all was the joy in being surprised at the amazing news of their engagement.

We will have some time to get acclimated to this new development, and to delve into the planning. We will celebrate this great news with more and more of our family and friends. And we will continue to try to make sense of this massive change in our family’s life.

Because just like that, everything has changed. For the better. Oh, so much for the better, in so many ways.